fear and loathing

Alot of times our fears determine the things we hate but they also drive us to reach our peak..

I'm not talking about spiders or sum other impersonal shit..I'm talkin about life and goals, potential or the lack thereof..

We all have a negative force that is our primary motivation to succeed. Mine is being like my father..He WAS a good dude but somewhere along the way he fell into drinking and just being a fuckin nightmare..I'm not gonna say I hate him but he made it real hard to remain loyal and respectful to him..now that he's on the downturn of life, he mellowed out but I look at what he built then destroyed and I hate that shit b..he was on the fast track to doing big things for us and for the folks in our circle and fuck it up bcuz he buckled under the pressure..started drinking and from there it was a slow decline into hell..to the point none of us in the family spoke to him for a year..

Bcuz of that, my biggest fear is reaching my version of success then losing it..I get so afraid of losing the little nest egg I have that it turns into obsession to keep it and protect it..